Venturing Outdoors – Episode 1

Venturing Outdoors – Episode 1. In Which We Try Not to Step in the Pile of Poo at Quiznos

My old Saturn finally kicked the bucket back in February. Unfortunately, we still had to pay the insurance for both my car and Michael's Mustang and we have been so busy lately, we kept putting off mailing the payment (who me? procrastinate?) so, this is the story of how my mother-in-law gives me a ride to the insurance company and the crazy events that followed yesterday.

Do not read this while eating. You have been forwarned.

I knew the day would be a busy one, so I got to work early. I'd called Linda the night before to beg a ride so we wouldn't have to pay the late fee. She said she'd come get me at 11:00 and I suggested we hit lunch afterward. So I call her in the morning to make sure we were still on, but she decided to get groceries first so 11:00 turned into 1:00, but then she showed up an hour early at 12:00 because she decided not to get groceries after all. But that's cool, I'm thinking let's just get this done so I can get back and finish up anything that comes in my queue this afternoon before Michael gets off work.

So she takes the back roads there instead of the freeway and they are all backed up with construction. We finally get to Miller Rd. and notice it's all construction from Ballenger Rd. on up. We agree that it's about damn time they finally did something with that road until we get up to where we have to turn into the parking lot and it's all blocked off, then we start to grumble. We drive up and down the strip, in and out of other lots hoping they'd connect but to no avail. We can't even get to the access road that runs behind the businesses because of even more construction going on in the parking lots. There's so much construction, I can't find a single path to walk from one parking lot to the other! There had to be a way in! There are cars in their lot so how did they find a way in?

We work our way through the maze and park in a lot across the street. I get out of the car. I look across the busy road, examining the traffic situation and feeling sorta like the critter from Frogger. I was building myself up for it. “You can do it,” I told myself. “You're young, you're spry, you were the fastest runner in your 6th grade class…” There are just so many vehicles. It appears to be the only solution. I look through the car window and I”m about to say, “OK, I can do this. I'll be right back.” That's when she says, “Stacy, come on back, I know a way around this.”

(I knew if we got to that access road we'd find a way into that lot.)

So hooray, we finally get in and I run in, pay the bill, fiasco over, right? Oh no, not quite. Now we need gas. Gas being $4.18 a gallon, I offer to pay. She says she has gas money, but we agree I'll buy her a sandwich. Linda goes in to pay and returns to pump the gas. It won't turn on. She is pushing buttons and clicking the handle – nothing works. Frustrated, she goes back in and talks with the attendant. She comes back out and tries again, it's still not working. She looks into the station like “what gives here?” and the guy realizes he didn't flip it back on for her. It takes about 2 seconds to pump 10 bucks in her Buick.

We start talking about where to go for food and we notice a Quiznos one lot over. We don't even have to get back into traffic to get there. Neither of us have ever been to Quiznos before but we're up to trying new things. This should be a fun adventure, right? Oh no, not quite.

We walk in and immediately, I notice something doesn't smell right. I start to doubt whether I will like their seasonings, and hope that the food doesn't taste like it smells in here. Yet, like moths to a flame, our eyes are drawn to their billboard-sized back-lit menu as I follow behind Mike's mom to place our orders. Like cattle, we're processed through to the other side where we pay and receive our food. There is only one table available but whoever ate there before us had left their tray and trash behind. I cringe, but pick it up anyway and take care of the trash. That's when I hear Linda letting out an alarming “ewwwwwwwww”… this is not good.

I walk back to the table. She's pointing to the ground at… a pile… of… excrement. Yes people. It was a giant pile of poo. Someone said “was a dog in here?” No, ladies and gents, it was not an animal. It was an elderly gentleman, who according to one witness, “simply got up and left” after he did this thing in the middle of the small dining area. The worst part was that the customers who had been in and out since he left, had walked through it and tracked it all over the tile floor and in the rugs… it is disgustingly everywhere! So Linda and I look at the employees like “What gives here?” They just keep processing people through the line. I understand being understaffed, but come on, this is human excrement we are talking about here. A huge freaking pile of it! (note: I considered taking a picture with my phone to show you all but then thought better of it) Aren't they supposed to shut the place down until it gets cleaned up for health reasons?

Obviously, we don't stay. The smell is now overpowering thanks to those who traipsed through it. There is a Starbucks next door so we decide to eat outside on their makeshift patio. That's when Linda bites into a big long string of plastic in her sandwich. That's it. She's had enough so she goes in to complain and I take the opportunity to inspect the bottom of my boots. She comes back out with a coupon that say's, “we're terribly sorry for your inconvenience… yadda yadda…” The coupon is for a free Toasty, whatever that is. Evidently, whoever sliced the meat the night before didn't remove the plastic casing first and they'd been serving it like that all day. She did say that they had been cleaning up the mess, thankfully!

Needless to say, we aren't very thrilled with the Quiznos Sub experience. In fact, I can honestly say that is the first and very last time I will ever eat at that particular restaurant. What gets me is that there were other people sitting there eating and they didn't say anything to the staff when they saw what happened. Or maybe they had done so before we walked in? I don't know how, but they just kept on eating, even after we walked out. They should have given us our money back and closed up shop until they had the situation under control.

We fought construction and traffic to get out of hell. I did get back in time to get some more work done. When Mike got out of work, we went up and traded the Saturn in for a new used car! Hooray! I have transportation again! I just had to laugh when I called Linda this morning and told her I had to go back out to Miller Rd. again today to pick up the new insurance papers for the Malibu so we can transfer the license. Oy vey! Don't even get me started on the “fun” we had searching for the Saturn's title in our filing cabinet's semi-functional organizational system – until 10:30 last night before finally giving up. Oh well.

P.S.
The car's a beauty, btw. I'm totally geeked!