This is a continuation of the article found here and yeah, I admit to whining a bit, but this IS a blog and if we are not emo occasionally we may have our blogging rights removed.
February 8th, 2008 – I manage to drag myself face first (Thanks low crawling techniques of the US Army!) from our living room futon into our bedroom, and after a few hours to recover and with Stacy doing her best to help, I get into bed. Later that evening (CHEER!) I manage to urinate into an empty milk jug like a bloody animal.
Mid February – I am trying to find a job during all this so it is making it even more fun! Trying to update my resume on a laptop while laying flat on your back and actually feeling the pins and needles sensation in your legs growing worse is not what anyone sane would define as something fun to do. I am so far gone on crappy drugs, and as an aside I think that perhaps the FDA should reexamine what those two drugs do to people, because I was seeing things, and even imagining my wife plotting against me. I also took the max prescriptions once or twice and went to talk to my Union people, which led to me learning that I had better just plan on finding a new job. It was clear that my position was not a top priority to them, I have a bad habit of speaking the truth and it makes politicians, union or otherwise, uncomfortable.
February 10th, 2008 – I managed to make it to the bathroom today, sensation loss increasing along with pain, but I am actually gaining some functionality.
February 11th 2008 – I can stand now, but I am basically faking it using arm strength and abdominal strength and a lot of crutch as my back seems to be completely useless. Once any downward or side to side pressure is applied to my lower back, my loss of sensation increases and my pain becomes so bad that a month later I still have bite marks inside my own mouth from trying to not let my wife know how badly I was hurting. I grow tired of the taste of blood. I have a follow-up at the doctor’s office today, I reiterate the loss of sensation, and the pain level etc and he has me x-rayed, which does not indicate anything abnormal. He schedules me for physical therapy this week and I am not looking forward to attending.
February 12th 2008- Physical Therapy – WOOOO, have to love knowing that I will find out just how bad this is going to hurt. John, my PT guy gives me a group of tests and realizes just how little strength and range of motion my right ankle possesses. He also notes that other than very slow, very planned movement I cannot do anything without suffering immensely as a variant from my regular suffering. I like him though; he seems to be genuinely concerned for my well being. I would highly recommend him, so if you are looking for a PT guy in the Flint area, just ask and I will send you his details.
February 13th 2008 – I cripple, limp, crutch, pull and semi crawl myself into a mandatory visit to the unemployment office, and found some surprisingly nice people there (I also found a flight of 5 steps that made me have to stop, cry and gather myself). That evening I have another bout of Physical Therapy, which accomplishes little but increasing my pain. I have to say again that the people there are very nice, from reception to the PT specialists.
February 14th 2008 – Valentine’s Day… Which does not mean much to us, because our first date was on a 15th of February. I had planned so many cool things for our 5 year date anniversary before my job was destroyed by magical budget deficits and I became nothing much more than a cripple. However, I had another PT appointment and I went and suffered through it, joking that people working in that career field must have to suppress their empathy, but it was pointed out that they can get a lot of satisfaction from seeing people improve. I am semi mobile using crutches but only by ignoring the grinding pain, the shooting pain, the burning pain, the, well, that 1-10 pain scale failed me because I was running a Spinal Tap level 11 pain.
February 15th, 2008 – I actually start a mean argument with Stacy because I am hurting physically and bumming out and feeling generally as if life is one rotten experience. This is not the first time I have wanted to be mean to her lately, I have actually laid in bed thinking she was plotting against me and hating me for being hurt.
February 17th, 2008 – I stop taking the Vicodin and Flexeril, there can be no denial at this point that I am delusional while on them and there is no sense in making my loved ones suffer with the loss of mental stability in exchange for their complete lack of relief.
February 18th 2008 – I had two temp crowns added to my mouth. Thanks Dr. Trina Floyd! aka Best Dentist in the Known Universe! See… I told you I had been biting down to control the pain. She was remarkably patient with the fact that I had to shift often, and interrupt her work because of my back.
February 19th 2008 – Another day of physical therapy, and while I am able to move better, the simple exercises completely wipe me out, and I have to be almost carried out of the place. Nothing seems to have improved since the first weekend after I started to hurt other than my ability to deal with the pain. Still no real strength in my right ankle, near total loss of sensation in my right leg which is now from above the knee down, pins and needles in my left foot and constant pain. In some ways, the pain seems less now, almost as if the receptors must be burned out from over use.
February 21st 2008 – Follow-up with my doctor, who is now back from being out of town and overwhelmed with patients, and my 11:45am appointment slips for hours. All the while Stacy sits patiently with me in the waiting room and watches me suffer we both read four complete National Geographic magazines. I know a lot more about Malaria in Africa, Oil Company Abuses in Africa, and just how sad Disney in Florida is, go ahead and quiz me 🙂 I finally get to see the doctor just before 2pm. The long wait was made worse by the fact that we are both more than a little concerned for Stacy already as she has some exploratory surgery scheduled for the 27th and is not feeling well herself. I repeat for the third time what my symptoms are to my doctor, stress the lack of value gained from the meds he has given me, and restate my concerns about loss of feeling and strength along with my pain. He seems to be really motivated to get me to see a specialist and have the situation examined at this point (To which I have to say, WOOOO) I can hear him calling around trying to get me into someone quickly which I really respect and he lets me know they will be scheduling me an MRI and getting me into a specialist as soon as possible. I just wish he had felt this way about it, and taken me seriously about my pain weeks ago rather than just letting me suffer.
Still February 21st, 2008 – I get a call from the Doc’s office confirming a 6am MRI for the next morning, and an appointment with a Dr. Lisa Guyot for 9am the same morning. Dr. Guyot personally calls me (Which is bloody well impressive, because I categorize her somewhere between genius and gift of karma) and asks me not to eat or drink after midnight in case she needs to operate the next day. At this point I completely break down, and start to have the worst feeling of dread. When the medical profession moves that quickly it is never GOOD, and when a prominent Board Certified* Neurosurgeon (Goooooogle!) calls you at home after 7pm it tends to upset your view of the universe. After hours of basically breaking down emotionally, Stacy and I finally go to sleep. My last conscious thought is just how convinced I am that if I have surgery it will result in death or paralysis.
* For all you Grey’s Anatomy fans, (and I admit sheepishly to being one) I think that anyone who would choose the character of Meredith Grey over that of Addison would be an idiot. An Addison who cheated is still 50 times the woman Meredith has ever shown herself to be, and the actress is 50 times sexier too 🙂
To be continued…