I am beginning to suspect enemy action or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Paranoia. Part 1

I have had several people asking where I, Kylere, aka Michael aka Stacy's lesser half have been. I have been summarizing just how thoroughly rotten the last few months have been in my head and thanks to a handy laptop and pain meds I am going to present SOME of how badly karma has decided to dump on me. As an important note, without my Wife, Mother, a few friends and really cool people at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Flint I would have to have given up on the very concept of karma.
December 29th 2007 – 1900 hours (7pm for the 24 hour challenged) I get a call from an unexpected source and discover that due to a family member having the wisdom to add my name I have a membership to a nice little vacation spot, that I now have 5 get away places available to me in the Michigan area. I celebrate!
December 29th, 2007 – 2230PM (1030pm your smart-alecky writer) My beloved gets a call letting us know that one of my stepdaughters has decided to behave rather badly. I mourn. She starts living with us on what may be a permanent basis, rather than on the joint custody basis we had prior.
January 8th, 2008 – I lose the election for my Union 1st Vice President slot; this is not that huge a thing, as I had not expected to run, or to win. But my involvement with Union politics was now official, and I was not going to stand by and let our union be used, nor let down the people who had actually accomplished good with the union, or those who really worked hard for my city.
Mid January – While going crazy over some general life stuff, I toss out a pair of friends because I was losing my mind and they seemed to not get it.
January 26th, 2008 – While getting into my car with my wife, I noticed a smashed window, the single most expensive window in my car to replace
January 29th 2008 – My wife's car develops a sudden crack in her front windshield requiring replacement
January 30th 2008 – I am informed that due to budget cuts caused by the city moving from a early November and Pre-election “budget surplus” of over 6 million dollars to a Mid January deficit of 4 million that my services will no longer be required. I had no union representation for this, my department director was not involved in the decision and he found out seconds before I did. Interestingly enough as a citizen I received a taxpayer funded notice the week before the election CERTIFYING that the city had a financial surplus, and as an employee of the city I received a taxpayer funded letter stating the same thing with my paycheck. Just in case you are reading this and need a great Information Technology and Services employee, you can grab my resume here.
February 5th 2008 – My wife's ex accepts his older daughter home when faced with having to provide support or having to let us change her school rather than having to drive her back and forth for 2 hours each day.
February 6th, 2008 – With a mild back ache, I went to address some early snowfall of a predicted 15 inch hit. After clearing the street in front of my home, my driveway, and sidewalk I notice the pain has become intense. Within an hour I am trying to do laundry and cannot actually lift a wet sock from a washing machine.
February 7th, 2008 0400hours (4am 🙂 I break down and call my doctors number as the pain has grown to a level that is causing me to have a loss of sensation in my right leg from the knee down and the left foot, all the while feeling as if someone is twisting a crowbar around my spine, running a red hot poker down my legs and making me scream and cry in agony. He lets me know it is not an emergency, so I am stuck in bed unable to move to even urinate and he recommends I try some Motrin and see if my wife can “massage the area”.
February 7th, 2008 0900hours (9am) I get a call from my doctors office asking me to come in, I state that I am still am unable to move and in excruciating pain and really think I should go to an ER, they insist that I come see them. My car with its manual transmission is blocking in my wife's car, and she does not drive a stick. Not to mention, there is no way she could have managed to move me to her car alone. We contact my mother for assistance. She recognizes the scale of the problems and brings her next door neighbor along to help. On arrival it requires her, her neighbor, my wife, and a crutch to barely drag me to the back of my mothers car. I am almost completely non functional due to screaming pain and frustration. We are barely able to slide me in face first and down in her back seat. Why not take my car? Because the snowfall has hit, the roads are the worst they have been in 5 years, my car is a rear wheel drive, and it turns out that of the four, I am still the only stick driver.
February 7th and an hour later we arrive at the doctors office (that is in the completely opposite direction of every hospital within 75 miles) and it turns out they have no method to help get me indoors better than offering a wheelchair that I could not sit in without biting my tongue bloody, or killing everyone within reach, so I crawl slowly across the snow covered lot with my family, friends, and the other doctor in the practice assisting. They get me onto a table and the doctor tells me it is just muscle spasms, gives me a shot in each hip, and a prescription for Vicodin and Flexeril. I am then sent home, still unable to stand on my own, sit up, walk, or even urinate.
February 7th in the evening, my step kids return home, and I am most likely not nice to them, something about the Vicodin/Flexeril mix and the fact that they were doing nothing whatsoever to dull the pain seemed to be making me delusional. Adding to the fun is that merely trying to roll onto one side or the other is impossible, and laying in one position seems to be making it worse.

To be continued…